


Take me home

by Limadis (orphan_account)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Assassination, M/M, One Shot, Pre-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Romance, Sexy Times, mentions of characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 12:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10831077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Limadis
Summary: The Winter Soldier managed to escape Hydra before the battle of Washington and became a man of his own without much knowing of his past life. His life takes a turn again during his new mission.





	Take me home

**Author's Note:**

> ! Attempts at writing sexy times for the 1st time !

James woke up sweaty and confused again that night. The dream was already half-forgotten, but he tried to grasp at the remaining flashes and blurry pictures nevertheless. They never made sense even put together though there was always the same person. A person who was surely dead by now. It didn’t matter to him anyway, because he didn’t hope for all his memories to come back at once or ever at all. If he had learned something from his situation was that it hurt more than anything else.

The man looked up at the ceiling and waited a moment in bed. When sleep wouldn’t come again, he decided to get up instead of lingering lazily under the sheets until morning came. The sun wasn’t up yet, so he took his time dressing up and started packing his few belongings. This was a temporary place as usual; he had already found a new one in the north where he would stay for a couple of months while doing the same job. He looked at the mirror afterwards and saw nothing but a young man with an old soul. No one remembered him and he remembered nothing. He brushed a few strands of hair behind his ears and walked out of the tiny bathroom to start a new day in his new life, just like the day before and the day before that.

The lack of appetite made him leave the apartment earlier and so, he chose to go meet his new client and wait for her. The old woman, his client, had tried to appear authoritarian and confident on the phone, but the Winter Soldier knew she was scared. Calling a hitman to kill your cheating husband was never an easy thing, but what did he know. She asked to meet in a public place and not to appear as if they were in contact. They would use disposable phones and sit close, but without seeing each other’s faces. James believed she wouldn’t stand to know what the killer of her husband looked like when herself would have to go on knowing she was also responsible for his death. He couldn’t blame her. He knew what he was doing, because now he was aware of everything and he remembered everyone, including those he had killed when he was the so-called ‘Asset’. However, the memories before that were inaccessible for some reasons and he had no intention on dwelling on a past too old for him. He arrived in the park as planned and sat on a bench near the pond. He only had to wait an hour or so before his client arrived and decided to close his eyes and feel the sun warm his body up.

A distant memory would emerge occasionally, triggered by a simple feeling or the sight of a specific object. It would often bring him back decades ago and made him see a reality that was no more. He’d still let it take him away, because of the rare peace those moments could bring. This time, the music in the background made him sure he was in a bar somewhere in the forties, probably dancing around with some girl and enjoying himself. The picture was blurry, but he felt warm and surrounded. His arm was around someone’s shoulders and his chest was shaking from laughter. He didn’t remember the feeling he must have had, but it was a good one.

 

_“Bucky?”_

 

He opened his eyes and instantly noticed the old woman approaching to sit on the other bench behind him. She was dressed in an expensive dress and didn’t look like she belonged here. She then pulled the phone out of her bag with trembling hands and James took his own out. He wasn’t sure whether she was going to call him or not judging by her body language, but in the end, she did it.

“Hello? Hum…” He waited patiently. “My husband will be attending a charity gala tonight around 9pm at Stark Tower… The money will be placed in the back of a black SUV in the parking lot. Fifty thousand as promised.”

“Do you want him to suffer or not?”

“… Yes.” He hung up and walked away without forgetting to throw the phone in the nearest trashcan.

 

*

 

It didn’t take long before he could collect the poison for his target and it was even shorter to get an invitation to the gala. His seller had assured him the powder was undetectable to both the victim and the police, but if it were to be a lie or a failure, the Winter Soldier had promised to come back for him. For the invitation, the task was even more simple. One of his many contacts had given him a list of the guest who he could impersonate for a night when another decided to offer him a personal and fake invitation.

“Good luck, Mr. Yakov.” The young hacker had told him with a smile. “I really do hope you speak Russian though, but don’t start another cold war, man, ‘cause that would really suck.”

James remained in his apartment to prepare himself until it was time to leave. His suit was ordinary and his hair was put in a low ponytail, so his appearance wouldn’t attract too much attention. He often had issues, because some people would find him attractive, but it wasn’t the best of time, especially on missions. It was never a good time for him anyway.

A taxi left him a couple of streets away from the tower and he had no troubles getting in despite the strong and complex security Stark had organized. No weapons were detected on him and even if the guard took his time checking in his invitation, James finally entered the big room where a hundred of rich people and celebrities were gathered. He walked around slowly and refused many glasses of champagne before he caught the sight of his target in the middle of a discussion with a woman far too young for him. The mission was getting easier as time passed by. The Winter Soldier decided to strike when the usual speech will occur and if it wasn’t possible, later in the evening when the man will eventually go relieve himself.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!” The well-known Tony Stark said to his audience. “Don’t worry, my assistant has prepared a speech for me…” They laughed as presumed while he searched his pockets. The Winter Soldier slipped quietly between the people towards his mission. “Well, well… Isn’t that great… Yeah, that’s not really my style.” He tossed his speech aside and they laughed again. James stood right next to his target and saw him putting his drink away. “Alright, well, I hope you’re having a good night so far, especially since I paid for all the… Hum, food and alcohol, right?” James pulled the small capsule out of his secret pocket in his jacket and poured its contents into the drink. “As you probably know, this gala is for charity. So all you have to do is… pretty simple. Give some money. Not that hard for you… and me, as a fact.” The target chuckled and turned slightly to say something to the woman before taking off inadvertently. James immediately took the poisoned drink away from any unwanted victim and counted to ten before leaving as well.

He could still hear Stark talking at the back, but his attention was completely focused on the man walking in front of him. He entered the men’s room a couple of seconds after the other man and threw the drink in the toilet. His target was unaware of what was happening as the Winter Soldier scanned the entire room to see if they were not alone. Just as he was finished, his mission was grabbed from behind and brought inside a cabin.

“Wha-“ James put his gloved hand on his mouth and didn’t waste any more time as he took out a syringe and injected the poison in its alternative form. The man struggled against his aggressor and hit his head against the toilet when he was let go. After realizing he was unconscious, the Winter Soldier got out of the cabin since he hadn’t been seen and quickly rearranged his clothes in the mirror.

The man had slipped, simple as that, and will wake up in terrible sufferings until his inevitable death. Mr. Yakov would disappear into the night and stop existing the moment he’d step outside the gala, but the Winter Soldier would keep on living; a ghost story without an ending.

“I still can’t get drunk, you know.” James glanced at the two persons passing by and felt the urge to look at them again, but mostly look at him.

“You should try Thor’s booze then, he’s right over there.” The redhead woman pointed at someone in the distance before leaving her friend.

James couldn’t stop looking at the back of the stranger’s head, hoping he would eventually turn around so he could finally put a face on his familiar voice. The blond stood where he was for a moment, then he was gone. The Winter Soldier had already forgotten the purpose of his mission and why he had to leave the place, because of this one particular man. Regardless of the risks, he started following him, but kept a reasonable distance as he was certain the stranger couldn’t have known he was being watched.

That was it, until he saw his face. Everything went silent for him and time slowed down as if they were both alone in the room. He only had eyes for him, but the stranger was too preoccupied by something else that he didn’t notice. James didn’t quite understand why this man had caught his attention, but something deep down was telling him to stay. Despite his decision on not trying to remember his past life, he knew this man was related to him in some ways and it was hard not to hold on to this one opportunity when it presented itself.

He watched the man having a drink with his friends and laughing with them. The sight made him feel envious, but also jealous and it wasn’t normal; not when he didn’t know the guy. And yet, he also witnessed moments where the blond was looking away with a certain melancholia and sadness in his eyes. It reminded him of his own struggles and personal issues with the new world. James saw the stranger excuse himself and walk away from the group and the crowd towards the fire exit. He went after him without a second thought, but looked around to make sure no one had seen him going as well. The man was sitting down the second stairs with his back to him when he found him.

“Just a sec’ Thor, I’m alright…” He said without looking at him and James obviously didn’t listen to the silent, but explicit meaning of his words. “Thor, I’m okay, you can go.” The blond turned his head slightly before standing up. “You-“ He froze when he saw James a few steps away. “Bucky?” The name sounded familiar, but also right.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” He went down the stairs slowly and the man didn’t move as if he simply couldn’t. “Why did you call me that?”

“It’s not possible…” James pushed him against the wall and put his metal hand around his throat.

“Why did you call me Bucky?” He repeated and tightened his grip to get a proper reaction. “I won’t ask again.”

“I thought… you were dead.”

“And I thought you were smaller.”

His own respond shocked him, so he panicked for the first time in his life and knocked the man unconscious.

 

*

 

Steve woke up with a fainting headache and his hands handcuffed to a radiator. The super soldier remembered everything until the moment a ghost decided to come by Stark’s charity event and hit his head against the wall. He looked around the room where he was currently held when he noticed the man sitting on a chair, watching him. The man had the exact same features as Bucky though his eyes looked empty and hollow.

“Why did you bring me here?”

“I got questions.” He broke the handcuffs and the imposter raised a gun at him. “You ain’t leaving ‘till I’m done with you.”

“’Kinda hard to ask questions to a dead man.”

“We both know a bullet couldn’t kill you that easily.” Steve signed deeply and didn’t try to stand up, so the man lowered his weapon. “You called me ‘Bucky’.”

“He was my friend.” He looked at him again and failed to maintain a straight and neutral expression. “He died a long time ago.”

“And what do you mean by that?” James waited even if he already knew the answer, but didn’t want to hope or whatever it meant for the two of them. The blond looked like he was in pain and flinched when he got on his feet.

“A very, very long time.”

The latter wouldn’t look at him yet, so he took a few steps forward and sat in front of him.

“I remember the cold.” He said. “I remember… feeling like I was flying until… They found me.” The stranger was looking at him now. “They took the rest of my arm, they changed me, made me forget my entire life, they… They made me a weapon.” His face was horrified and his body was shaking as if he was ready to burst. “When I broke free, it was too late.”

“Who’s ‘they’?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. They’re dead.” It seemed to relieve him, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold it much longer. His eyes were red and a few tears had already escaped. James found himself wiping them away with his hand and Steve tried to get as far as possible, wincing at the sudden gesture.

“You-“ They stared at each other, one with patience, the other with grief. “I left you down that pit… I didn’t even look for you.” James didn’t know what to say to that. “I thought we could make it, but, in the end, we never came back from the war, did we?” He couldn’t agree more even if he didn’t remember everything from that part. “Do you know who I am?” 

The one question he wished he could answer, but couldn’t; so, he shook his head with disappointment.

“I remember you.” He replied instead and the stranger looked out the window for a while. “Your mom’s name was Sarah… You used to wear newspaper in your shoes…” Those details that came to his mind earned him a look of surprise and disbelief though he had no idea where they came from. “You used to draw a lot and you were good at it, very good at it. You were an artist, but you got into fights, a lot, too much for your own good.” He could see a tiny and hopeful smile emerging. “You wouldn’t let me help you even after all those years growing up together, you couldn’t bring yourself to ask me anything.” Their fingers intertwined without realizing and James came closer. “Even after your mom passed, but I wouldn’t let you on your own either, because… This wasn’t the end of the line, yet. Steve.”

Steve embraced him like the world was ending when it was the complete opposite; and Bucky took him in his arms as well without feeling uncomfortable. It felt right and real, but he really hoped this was not just a dream that would eventually turn into a dark and twisted nightmare. His mind could still play tricks on him, even after it had stopped being so frequent, he knew he couldn’t fully trust himself yet.

“I don’t- I don’t know what to do, this is just-…” The veteran held his friend’s face between his hands, still not believing it. “You’re back. You’re here and it’s…” He let their foreheads touch and Steve closed his eyes to collect his thoughts.

“But I’m not him.” And it hurt to say it. “Your ‘Bucky’ died a long time ago, as you said…”

“You think I’m the same guy as before?” His blue eyes were glowing, even in the dark. “I went down thinking I would be finally at peace, hoping I had done something with my life, but mostly… because I was tired.” Then he looked away. “I thought we would see each other again, but on the other side. But then, I woke up and…” Steve shook his head and Bucky tried to imagine how he must have felt. “They tried to take it slow, but I knew something was wrong. And for a moment, I thought I had failed. At bringing Hydra down with me. But I guess I didn’t change a lot of things since SHIELD was already corrupted at the time.”

“But you did. Bring them down I mean.” Steve nodded. “You could have also died that day.” The man smiled softly and he had no idea why.

“Old habits die hard, I suppose.” It was Bucky’s turn to smile and even chuckle. “How long have I been here?”

“45 minutes.”

“I should go back.” He didn’t move. “They might already be looking for me.”

“You’re worried they’ll find me, aren’t you?” Steve’s hand went through his long hair as if it had become his new fascination.

“I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but I don’t think I’ll be too pleased about it either and neither will they, I assume.” Bucky looked down guiltily and let his friend pet his head for a moment. “That’s why I need to go, Buck’.” And he was tempted not to let him go, knowing he was physically able to knock him down again, but mentally uncappable of hurting him again.

So, he stepped back and they both stood up at the same time. Bucky was face to face with the only person he remembered and it was the last he had expected to happen on this day. Steve took a moment before walking towards the door he assumed to be the way out of the small apartment and lingered on the door knob.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” When Steve turned around, Bucky was looking at him with a smile he hadn’t seen in a very long time.

 

*

 

He was heading to the frontier in a stolen car when the radio claimed the Avengers had left the city abruptly. Bucky tried not to care and wanted to believe it was only a mission routine; nothing less, nothing more. He didn’t expect the incidents in Africa or Korea, nor the invasion of robots in Sokovia when the Winter Soldier came back from a usual killing job. The silent from Steve’s team and the leader himself worried him more than anything else while he knew it shouldn’t be.

But they saved the world again and it should have been enough, but he still didn’t know for sure if the blond was okay. He had to be. He had to be, because otherwise what was the point of all this when the only person he cared about in the entire world was dead?

That was the reason Bucky was back on the road again. He wasn’t looking for a new place or new clients this time. He was coming home to see his friend and never leave him again. The thought itself made him feel content, because he knew it wasn’t the end of the line for them and that was enough for him.

 

*

 

It took less longer to go back than it did when he left and Bucky wasn’t going to lie, it had been hard to leave his friend behind; but it was all in the past now. He wasn’t surprised to find out his old place was still empty since it didn’t look very clean from the outside, or even on the inside. The caretaker was a drug addict who didn’t care except for the rent and looked like he was always about to die in front of you, but he never spoke a word about the hitman living in one of his apartments and wasn’t about to do so either when the Winter Soldier showed up again.

What surprised him was the man sitting next to his door and he didn’t hesitate to hug him when the occasion was there. They met halfway and Steve must have thought he was going to be pinned to the wall again as his whole body tensed, but it didn’t last very long before he quickly realized what it really was.

“You didn’t even wait to do something stupid.”

“It wasn’t my fault!” He took some time just to look at him properly and Bucky was glad to find he wasn’t covered in bruises or scratches; all thanks to the serum obviously, but nevertheless.

“It never is. God, I missed your ugly mug, punk.”

“Who you calling ugly, jerk?” The two laughed like old friends who hadn’t gone through hell and back and no one in the world knew. “I went back two days ago, ‘needed time to settle the team in our new headquarters and just breathe.”

“I saw what happened over there. ‘Can’t figure out how it turned into… this thing.” Steve frowned slightly as memories came back to him.

“Yeah… It was bad. We couldn’t…” He sighed, frustrated.

“Hey.” Bucky made him look at him. “You can’t save everyone. Even if you had tried your hardest and I know you did, you wouldn’t have been able to.”

I couldn’t save you, Steve thought. The latter nodded, though he still felt bitter. “What about you? How ‘you been doing?”

“Apart from being worried sick… I’m okay now.” The way his friend smiled made something light up inside of him, so he did what seemed like the most natural thing to do and kissed Steve on the mouth.

He hadn’t expected Steve to respond before pushing him away gently.

“I don’t… I mean we were never-“

“I know.” James didn’t remember everything, but he would have known if the two were involved in the past. “I wanted to.” Steve was relieved by the way he looked back and forth between his eyes and lips without meaning to bite his own.

“Good… That’s really good.”

“Good.” Bucky repeated before kissing him again and a little longer than the first time.

 

*

 

They stayed in Bucky’s place, laying down on the bed until the sun went down without a care in the world. Sometimes they would stop talking and simply look at each other. Words were useless during these moments and James felt more the need to touch his lover than open his mouth to say nothing at all. They would talk about the past, but only the good memories. He felt like both weren’t ready yet, nor wanted to remind themselves of what could have been or what went wrong when they were alive and okay, physically speaking, but mostly together now in the present.

He smiled genuinely at Steve when the latter slowly started stroking the side of his face and thought about the past few months of his lonely life when his job had been his sole obsession and way to stay alive. Nothing and no one would have convinced him that this would be his life now and he still had a hard time believing it himself though the man who haunted his dreams was here with him.

“’You there?” Steve asked.

“’Just thinking.” He tried to move closer to the blond who didn’t see any objection and ended up on top of him. “They won’t come looking for you this time, will they? ‘Figured I could keep you to myself all night for once.” He felt Steve’s chuckle and focused on his breathing as a reflex.

“’Don’t think so, no. Consider yourself a lucky man, Mr. Barnes.” Bucky lifted his head up to look at him and smirked.

“Lucky me.”

They kissed repeatedly until they grew tired of it which didn’t seem to be the case as the two remained glued to each other for the rest of the evening. The image could be compared with two teenagers in love and perhaps it should have alerted them, but James found out he couldn’t stop either. He didn’t want to and he wasn’t going to pass that opportunity when it would have been impossible for him only a few years ago.

They held each other until Steve was the first to fall asleep. James knew he needed that judging by the faint, but visible bags under his eyes. He stayed by his side and watched him sleep until his own eyes fluttered shut and darkness welcomed him as well. He hoped the nightmares would stay away and let him have this one night of peace, but even in Steve’s arms he didn’t feel safe. This time he couldn’t only worry about himself and that’s what terrified him the most.

 

*

 

_“Asset, mission report.”_

_“No, no, no, no, please don’t do this, please!”_

_“Welcome home, Soldat.”_

_“Howard.”_

_“Who are you? What are you doing in my-“_

_“Wipe him.”_

_“Howard!”_

_“Thank you, Buck-”_

_“Start over again. Wipe him.”_

_“-but I can get by on my own.”_

_“Help-“_

_“You don’t have to do this, God, please! Please don’t kill me!”_

_“Thing is-“_

_“Wipe him, again and again, until he doesn’t even remember how to talk!”_

_“-you don’t have to.”_

_“Sergeant Barnes?”_

 

The first thing he noticed when he opened his eyes was the cold and empty space right next to him, then it was the sound of the shower turned on that reassured him. Steve hadn’t left and none of this was a dream. Bucky stretched his entire body while still in bed and hesitated between staying in or joining the blond, but the choice was quickly made as he heard his lover turning the water off. He might have felt slightly disappointed, but his sight wasn’t deceived when Steve came out of the bathroom in a pair of briefs.

“Jesus, Steve.” James moved to sit up and watch closely.

“Language, Barnes.” He replied in a playful tone before leaning down to kiss him and find out he couldn’t move away when his boyfriend placed his arms around his waist. “Bucky.”

“Order me around again, doll.”

“Oh my God, did that line really work?” They laughed, but Bucky wasn’t ready to let go yet.

“Kiss me again and I’ll let you go.”

Steve tilted his head to the side and tried to look like he was really considering it, but let James have his way in the end. They kissed again and Steve didn’t felt the way the grip around his waist tightened before he was suddenly being rolled over on his back. He was mildly surprised, but didn’t push the other man away when James was the one to lean down and cover his lips with his own. Steve’s hands found their way to Bucky’s back and hair while he was too busy trying to focus on the mouth currently leaving a trail of kisses along his jaw towards his neck.

“I… received a text- So-“ Bucky nipped his earlobe. “I gotta-“ Then kissed him. “Buck’-“

“I’m listening.” Steve arched an eyebrow at him. “I’m just not being cooperative.” His grin was quickly replaced by a shocked expression when the blond flipped him over.

“I really gotta go though.”

Bucky watched him dressing up and silently fantasised about what they could have been doing instead. Once he was done, his lover walked back to him to kiss him goodbye and James might have tried everything he could do to make it last longer than usual.

“Will you be there when I come back?” Steve asked.

 _I’ll try. I don’t know._ “Yeah…” He received one last kiss, then Steve left.

The silence in the apartment was deafening after he closed the door and suddenly James felt like it was impossible to breathe or think clearly. He knew this was new and that things would change very soon, but he was afraid of what would come next. The sensation had appeared yesterday and wouldn’t let him go, because unconsciously he knew something would happen. Something he wasn’t going to be able to control and this reminder was horrifying as he was more aware of his metal arm’s heaviness. He clenched his fist and waited for the attack to pass as he would always do. He would come out of it in the end, he always would.

 

*

 

Bucky was already home when someone knocked on the door on a Friday evening and he didn’t have to ask who it was. They hadn’t seen or heard from each other in two days when Steve eventually came back with a bottle of an unknown mixture and a bag carrying some of his clothes and other belongings. In the moment, James didn’t even say anything and pulled the man inside the apartment first to kiss him eagerly.

“I should do that more often…” Steve said and his lover laughed before giving him one last kiss.

“What’s that?” He took the liquor from Steve’s hand. “Last time I checked, you and I couldn’t get drunk…”

“My good half-god friend left some of his booze for us.” Steve put his bag down next to the bag while Bucky inspected the bottle. “I was gonna try it when a certain stranger came to me and knock me off.” He raised his eyes at him and smiled apologetically. “So. What do you say?”

Bucky looked back at the bottle, then Steve again and smirked. He gave the alien liquor back to the blond and went to look for two glasses while the bottle was being opened. The taste of the drink was like a strong fresh relief, but they might have been too ambitious taking a big sip when both made faces at each other.

“That’s… Okay.” They burst out laughing and coughed a little. “ _ **Fucking Christ**_ , Steve.”

“Good?”

“Yeah…” He put down his glass and placed his hand on Steve’s nape of his neck to bring him closer though there was the counter between them. “Really good.” Some would certainly say he couldn’t keep himself from kissing him and they would be right. It wasn’t like he wanted to make up for all the years being apart from each other, but more because of this constant feeling that he would lose him all over again.

As the sun disappeared behind the buildings, they went on drinking, played a few games which would inevitably end in the looser drinking more than the winner and moved to the bed when the world started spinning a little. Steve laughed a lot, for nothing, but Bucky found it so amusing he continued to tell unfunny jokes just so he could see him crack up.

“Oh my God… Oh, no, that was terrible, Buck’.” He hid his face in his hands, still laughing.

“Shut up, everyone said I was the funniest guy in town!”

“They lied.” He looked at him with tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Bucky, but they lied.” The latter squeezed his side. “It’s not me, it’s them!”

“Why would they lie, huh?”

“Come on. Handsome guy like you?” Steve was making eyes at him. “The dames would have said anything.” James took another sip and set his glass away before inching towards his lover.

“’You saying I’m handsome, Rogers?”

“Maybe.” Bucky was right on top of him and something in the air changed as the two gazed into each other’s eyes. As he leant down, Steve couldn’t help, but look at the other’s lips with obvious desire.

“Maybe?” He deliberately kept his face right above Steve’s, knowing they were practically kissing, but didn’t move only to watch the blond struggle mentally. The man was helpless as he watched and felt Bucky kissing his cheeks, jaw, and neck. The alcohol made him a little dizzy even though the effects weren’t as intense as before, but he still had no idea where to put his hands.

“Maybe… we shouldn’t- We ain’t sober, Buck’…” He didn’t push him away, not yet, and he couldn’t help, but whine when James avoided his mouth again. “Bucky, _please_ …”

The latter couldn’t leave him hanging any longer as he came back to kiss him properly this time. He took his time ravaging his mouth and craved for the whimpers that Steve would let out when Bucky would try to end the kiss, but in the end, he was always coming back as if there were no ending. They both wouldn’t mind, until James shifted his position and placed his knee between Steve’s legs.

“Ah, that’s…” They were panting and despite the darkness in the room, Bucky could see a gleam in Steve’s eyes. “I’m drunk.”

“Good observation.”

“ _ **Fuck off**_ , Barnes… I just… I just don’t wanna be drunk if we do… stuff.”

“’Stuff’.” He smiled at his rosy cheeks and kissed them. “We don’t have to do anything… Except-“ He moved his knee a little higher and felt the body below him jerk. “-for that.” Steve bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. “Let me take care of you... Let me make you feel good, babydoll…”

“ _Dammit_ , Buck’.”

“Is that a yes?” 

A simple exchange of glances was enough and, even if James wanted to hear it, and he would someday, he kissed Steve for the umpteenth time this evening before helping him taking his shirt off. Bucky couldn’t keep himself from letting his hands roam on the other’s chest under scrutinizing eyes and, least of all, tasting the parts he hadn’t even touched until this day. If all this was a dream, then so be it, because he wasn’t ready to wake up yet.  


Steve’s breath quickened and his hands were holding the sheet as his lover made his way down slowly, but surely, until his head was face to face with his fly.

“Bring that knee up…” Bucky patted his leg and Steve didn’t even ask why this would change anything. “That’s right.”

The man grabbed his thigh from under for support and looked back at Steve to smile devilishly at him. He then put his metal hand on Steve’s crotch and chuckled slightly when his body jerked once again.

“Bucky.”

“I know, I know, sorry.” He kissed his belly and went back to the purpose of all this.

Watching Bucky was practically torture and the latter knew that too well, but Steve didn’t want to say anything, not if it was too much. The blond felt partly relieved when his fly was finally opened, but tensed a little when James’ hand started getting near his private parts. He had no idea how it would feel, to have someone else’s hand on you, especially if that someone was the guy you loved. Steve looked up to the ceiling in hope to feel a little less stressed and distracted when he felt Bucky move to lay next to him.

“I got an idea.” He whispered to him and, before Steve could say anything, dipped his hand inside his briefs.

The gesture took his breath away, but Bucky was there to soothe him with gentle kisses and Steve had to look like a fool. He hadn’t had the time for those kind of things, nor the proper appearance and when he woke up, things hadn’t changed that much. He was mostly lonely and going on missions were the only thing he was good at. But now, it was different, because Bucky was there with him. Life in the future didn’t look that terrible after all, now that he had him.

“Good, you’re so good, _Stevie_ … So good...” Steve was the one to initiate the kiss this time and Bucky gladly responded without stopping his stroking and even quickened his pace only to hear the other moan in pleasure. “Is it bad that I kinda want it to last forever?”

“I’ll… kill you… if you-” He gasped. “ _God_ , Bucky…” And then grabbed Bucky’s forearm. “I… I don’t think I’ll-“

“Come on, Stevie.” He kissed his temple and watched Steve close his eyes in pure bliss. “Come on…”

Bucky still wished it could have last longer though it was hard to resist Steve’s face and noises. The moment it ended would forever be engraved in his memory. The way his lover’s body tensed for the last time, his head tilting back against his shoulder with his mouth opened, but no sound coming out. Then it was over and Steve was breathing again. Bucky took his hands out of his briefs and looked at the mess on the blond’s stomach.

“I’ll go get you something to clean that up.” He kissed his check and went to the bathroom.

He found a clean towel under the sink and was going to moisten it when he realized he had to pause for a minute. His reflection didn’t look as if it belonged to someone else and he didn’t know whether it was a good thing or not yet. The water was still on and Steve was still in his bed. He wanted to believe this could last forever, but, somehow, he knew this wasn’t possible, so he promised himself he would enjoy every moment of it.  


When he came back to the room and cleaned his boyfriend’s chest, Steve took the towel from his hand and threw it next to the bed. Before he could protest, the man pinned him down to the mattress and settled on top of him with the clear intention to stay there and sleep with his head resting on his chest.

“Go to sleep, Barnes.”

“Aye, Captain…” Closing his eyes at night didn’t bother him that much now and he welcomed the darkness with open arms as Steve’s calmed breath led him to a restful sleep.


End file.
